i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
