If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You took a bar mat shot.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
