and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
