hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
