what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
