Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
