her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
