If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
