yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
