And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize