i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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