He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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