We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
