I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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