Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish you could order shots online.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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