i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
