You smell like a Billy Joel song
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
