I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
