So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drunk is not a location!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
