And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
