Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sober January is a disaster.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
