I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
