even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wish my penis had a tongue
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
