I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
