Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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