i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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