I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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