Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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