my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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