If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
