You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
