its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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