You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
