I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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