Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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