You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
