Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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