If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
