There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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