alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
