I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
