i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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