i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
