It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Never underestimate the power of titties
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him