Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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