he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
