Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
