Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
