I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
