Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
