I'm really into asian looking animals
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
