Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
