I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
