I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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