The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
