i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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