OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
