Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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