I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
