Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
