I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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