Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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