i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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