you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
