omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
