i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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