I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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