Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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