I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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