I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
