she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
