I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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