I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
