i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
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My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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