I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my being single is dangerous.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
