just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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