i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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