uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want nice things and good sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
