Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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