Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
