she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
