so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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