At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
